June 2011 Life Update

I have been looking for work for 2 years now and despite my voluntary work, brief part-time work, my holiday and other various things, within those 2 years it has felt like the biggest waste of my life. It was like some days I would feel great and positive and other days it would be like a spiral of depression. Even though, I graduated during the start of the recession, I don’t totally blame the lack of jobs and the increase in competition because I know that I haven’t been trying my hardest. When I came out of uni I didn’t know what I wanted to do and I didn’t want ‘any’ job, I wanted a career that I could succeed in. 

A year went by and I still couldn’t decide what I wanted to do because they wanted experience or that I had to go back to uni or that I just couldn’t find that thing I was looking for. When it reached 2 years of unemployment, it got too much. I had a reflection on life and I really couldn’t do this anymore. I needed to do something. The feeling of being at home and family constantly wanting to know what I have been doing and all factors that contributed to the way I felt just got too much. So in May 2011, I had to make a list of  things I desperately wanted to do before the end of the year and I made a promise to myself that I would double hard to make these work starting from June.

It is now the end of June and I can honestly say, I am doing a good job of working on the list. Within this month, I have successfully passed an interview and got a job. I have completed a 2 week training course with the NHS and even though that may end without the prospect of a related job that I had initially hoped for, being on that course has taught me some really vital life tools. During those 2 weeks, I have learnt a lot about myself and working with older people. Most importantly, those 2 weeks made me realised that I really want to do into counselling / clinical Psychology because I would love to make a real difference in someone’s life. That feeling of satisfaction would be an amazing reason to go to work. So, I have decided that is what I want to do. Now, it is up to me to gain experience and perhaps plan to complete masters. I want to become a Charted Psychologist.

Next Please!

After numerous screening processes, I finally reached the Interview stage with Next. I was so excited! Because recently I have been feeling like a little human on a downward spiral to depression. So, when I got the call that I was offered an interview I was happy. I went to the Interview preparation session which helped me prepare for the real thing. On the day of my interview I practiced a few answers and thought up some questions. On the way there, I felt a little nervous. The interview was in two parts, the first was a 1:1 and then a role play. I had the 1:1 and it wasn’t as bad as I imagine, there was a total of 10 of us in a big hall and we all had 15 minutes with the interviewer. My interviewer, Darren, was a friendly guy. I got the impression that my Interviewer was impressed with me as he told me no one had mentioned certain aspects I said. I felt good from what he said. There were some tricky questions that required me to think quickly and today I managed to think quickly and give an accurate answer. After this, we went into the other room for the role play. We first had to talk about ourselves. A little about our background and one thing that was interesting about us. I already had my answer as I knew it was unique and I wasn’t lying. When I said that I customised trainers, the interviewers “oohed”. It was going ok I thought. Then the interviewer told us to pick an object from the back of the room and sell it to them. I didn’t know what to pick but I probably picked up the cheapest object, even though the interviewer had just reminded us that a business is to make money. (I realised this in hindsight) I managed to sell my object to them but I didn’t know how well I did. After the interview, I was confused as I had no idea how I did. I did feel I did well on the 1:1 but I wasn’t too sure for the role play. 

On Friday 17^th June 2011, I received the call. It was the call that told me I was successful in the interview and that I would receive a letter in the post. I was over the moon. I had finally got a job. Even though it wasn’t my ideal job but nevertheless it meant that I could earn money and start to plan my life and future and what I need to do. I was so happy. I am so thankful.

However, they never got back to me after stating that I got the job. Luckily, I found another one so I wasn't bothered. 

NHS Training

DATE Monday 13th June 2011 - Monday 27th June 2011

TIME 10am - 4pm daily

LOCATION Charing Cross Hospital

So I applied for something that suggested that we would get a job after the training with the  NHS in admin in one of their departments providing we passed the training. Now, the case was actually, do the course, you then have to register externally with Brook Street which then they will help you apply for jobs within the NHS but nothing is certain. It was a waste of life but I am glad I didn't quit!

Registration

Just come back from the pre employment registration. I was feeling really wary about it, especially at the start as it wasn't what I had expected it to be. Everyone was so much older than me, expect maybe a few. I wasn't feeling 100% great about it and starting doubting. The registration was supposed to be 1 hour but we finished about 12.10. After, having some time to think, even though I really would want to quit I know that, that would be a mistake. When I was with blue Peter, I hated the first two days but then fell in love with it. So I won't quit before I've given it a chance. The other people seem friendly and I'm just hoping this will lead me to where I hope to be and not a deadline or a waste of time. Hmph... And it's only 2 weeks, well 11 days. I'll have to survive. Somehow.

Day 1


Today was my first day at my pre-employment training session. I was a little dreading it as it wasn't what I had in mind from the application I completed. The Job description was so misleading and I didn't like that aspect. Nevertheless, I decided to give it a go. I got there in good time. However, I took the wrong turning and got super lost. I ended up rushing and when I finally found my way, I realised the whole class was already in there! But according to my phone, I was just in time. 10.00am. So, we started the day with a brief introductory session by playing a 'game' by asking questions with each other and to shout 'bingo' once you got all the and answers. The game itself was so flawed but it sounded fun, so off we went. After that we went through out booklets - the welcome section. It was just outlining information about what was to come. It didn't sound too bad but neither did it sound exciting. It felt like I was back at school but difference was I didn't really want to be here. We learnt about the history of the NHS and the structure and I participated, and it was actually quite interesting. Just before lunch I told Lynda I had to go to an interview in Tuesday. Initially, she didn't seem too pleased as it was late noticed but as I explained that I only found out recently she said it was ok and not to worry. I'm not sure whether she meant it 100%. But as I wasn't even enjoying the course I couldn't care less at this point. I bought a sandwich from Sainsbury’s and took it back to the room to eat. It was alright. In the afternoon we had someone from the ICHIS information computer hospital information system, explaining about the program. She explained about data protection which made me realise now how important it was back at Blue Peter. As the day drew to an end, I headed to the station. And two other people walked with me, one explained how she felt the information was misleading and that she thought about quitting twice. So it made me think. On my way home I really wanted to quit. My younger sister said she would quit which made me feel like I should. My phones random yes or no said I should and even when I flipped a coin. I was quite certain I didn't want to do it. When my older sister returned, I explained my predicament. She said to stick it out because I already started and it's not even that long. My friends also said stick it out which then completely switched my mind frame. I decided to stick it out. I have an interview tomorrow so I can't go in but on Wednesday I will go in like my life depends on it! I'm going to stay positive. 

Day 4

We had to presentations today and I wasn't nervous much because the lady said it wasn't about the content neither was we going to get marked for it and that it was purely for practice and using our voice. However, as the majority of the class was nervous about it, it made me feel like I should have been too. When I was called up to do the presentation, I felt a little nervous but as I got started it was fine. What I found most surprising was that the louder people in the class had frozen during parts of their presentations! I was shocked, how can that be! Anyway, afterwards the lady had told me, something that no one else has ever told me and it made my day. She said, “I love your voice, I could listen to it every day”. So, it really made me laugh and I ended the day on a high.

Day 10

The last day of the Pre-Employment. Even though I wanted to quit day 1, I have to admit, I am so glad I stuck it out. I made some really good friends and one person in particular who I actually got on really well with. During the first week, I spoke to people but there was no rapport, it was more of a friendly gesture, small talk that kind of thing. But at the second week, I managed to open up and I became comfortable with quite a few people, to the point we would make fun of each other and just being comfortable with them and not needing to think up a conversation. I really enjoyed meeting new people and sharing our stories. The course itself has been a load of ****. I hated learning about common sense most of the time. There has been some (very few) times where the topic was actually interesting, but apart from those few topics, the rest has been a bore. Even though, I won’t know how well or not I’ve done until Monday (Day 11). I can say that if nothing comes out of this (job wise) I did have fun and it was a good break from my depressed routine. I learnt a lot about myself and learnt a lot about what kind of career I do wish to pursue, so hopefully I will take a lot from doing this training. I am thankful for the opportunity and so glad I stuck it out. I don’t think I would have, if it wasn’t for my best friends and my sisters. Thank you. I have been so much happier.

Where the training was held

Wisdom Teeth Extraction

Wisdom Tooth

I arrived promptly for my wisdom teeth extractions at the Nightingale clinic. I wasn’t feeling at all nervous but I was just apprehensive of the effects after the extractions. After a short wait, I was called in. He explained what he was going to do, and pointed at my x-ray whilst doing so. My bottom left wisdom tooth was growing at a 30 degree angle from the gum and it looked worse than what I see in the mirror. I wasn’t panicking but again, just felt that the pain may last longer than the weekend ahead. He told me the tooth was close to the nerve and I could see it was almost, if not touching according to the x-ray. He said, 1/10 it will feel numb for 9months and for 1% of the population it is permanent. Despite reading about this yesterday, with the dentist pointing it out again was a little nerve racking for a second. Then I thought, as if I am that lucky. So I didn’t think any more of it. He then asked if I had any questions, so I asked about speaking wise, he said it would depend and asked whether I was a teacher. I said, no but I had an interview next week. He said it should be ok. So I was slightly more reassured. He said because my tooth was growing at that angle, he will need to drill the middle and pull it from there. He made it sound like a complicated issue. I wasn’t too scared and just thought, let’s get on. I had to rinse my mouth for 60 seconds using this mouthwash thing to aid healing process. I thoroughly rinsed. Afterwards, he lowered my chair and got ready to pierce some injections in my mouth. I didn’t quite know what was happening but I could feel a needle going through my mouth, I wasn’t sure if he was already taking out the teeth! But I soon came to realise that it was just the local anaesthetic. I didn’t realise there was more than one needle. The needle that was to the roof of my mouth was the most painful one. I immediately feel quite tense and water rushed up to my eyes. It was a really sharp pain that wasn’t pleasant. Anyway, he after about 4 needles, he said if I still felt pain he would top it up. I “hmm mmh’ed” but in my head I was thinking, I rather have that pain then the needle pain! Anyway, he started with the bottom tooth, and after a look at it, he said there was no need to drill the middle but just a small drilling and sawing something off. I couldn’t hear him properly but he made it sound like it was less complicated then he thought. This was a relief. So anyways, he drilled and I could see saliva particles sprinkling above and tooth extracts (I think). It was alright, until he stuffed his whole hand in my mouth and started doing something. It was really weird, the fact you know something’s happening yet you can’t feel it at all. His wrist started to press against my glasses and I was thinking, oh dear, don’t break my glasses. Lol after drilling a hole in the tooth, he placed, what seemed like a screwdriver into my mouth and started applying some pressure and my heart started to race mainly because I was thinking, if his hand slips it will hit on my tongue and my mouth. I immediately started to think, I must stay super still! It was quite scary, he then tugged and pulled and off it came. He then started to do the top one, and this tooth didn’t seem to want to come out. The first attempt he I could feel a pulling but without the pain, and it didn’t come out. Then he tried again. During the pulling, it was rather scary because of that feeling of knowing it’s supposed to hurt but you can’t feel anything. It was really bizarre. So, after a really hard pull, it finally came out! I was glad that it finished. The dentist told me it went well and that I should be good for my interview next week. He then told me to bite onto the cotton wool for half an hour so a blood clot will form. He explained some post operative instructions and gave me an additional sheet. It wasn’t too bad. I now just hope there will be no complications after this experience. I got on the bus with a blob in my mouth and was quite conscious I wasn’t drooling as my mouth was still numb. It has been an hour now, so I shall go spit out this cotton wool and look in the mirror to see what’s happening! 

The next day, thankfully my teeth didn't hurt at all! It was a little tender but other than that, it went better than I expected.