Worse Pain Ever

So I was fine for the entire morning until about 11.40am. I was at work and my shift finishes at 12, I suddenly felt hot and cold and started to shake a little. At this point I just wanted time to hurry up, so I could go home and heal up. Next thing I felt like throwing up and needed the loo. I went to the toilet and came out feeling no change. I still felt ill. Time seemed to be going so slow and I still had 15 minutes to go, I felt really bad and was considering to ask my manager if I could leave early but I figured i might have well waited it out. But even within the last 10 minutes I couldn't pretend I was fine. I threw up and couldn't cope with this feeling inside of me. The last 5 minutes I decided to go to the toilet because I was shaking too much and I couldn't physically work. It felt bad. As it hit 12pm, I dashed out. I approached my bus stop and saw that there was a bus and that there was no way I could have made it. So I had to wait. It was a painful wait. I waited and waited whilst feeling what I can only described as death! I even considered dropping on the floor so someone could call an ambulance, I just wanted the pain to end. After a short but what felt like a lifetime wait, my bus came. I sat at the back and felt so ill but was just glad I was finally closer to home. The bus seemed to be slower than usual and every bus stop had passengers! I felt that there were people on the bus staring at me, because at this point i wasnt looking great and I really couldn't care less about how I looked. My eyes were revolving and I was telling myself I could make it home without causing a big scene. When I finally approached home, I could feel my legs getting weak, I couldn't walk with strength and was dragging my feet. I got to my door and knocked. My mum opened the door and asked why didn't I bring keys. I couldn't hide the fact I was feeling ill and usually would if it wasn't a big deal because she's a worrier. So as I stepped into the house, I ran to the toilet to throw up nothing but saliva and air. My stomach hurt along with the pain on my left side of the rib. I got changed and just jumped into bed. My hands and feet were pale and frozen. I was shaking quite violently and couldn't control it. My mum made me some ginger, egg and chicken soup. And I was under 3 duvets and still felt cold!! There was something seriously wrong and I felt like I was going to die. Afterwards, I fell asleep and my mum left for work. When I got up, I didn't feel so bad. In fact I only had a slight headache. I had no idea what the hell that episode was but I never want to experience that again!!

Sales Assistant


I was told the most amazing news that lifted my spirits sky high. I am actually going to start working after two years of unemployment even if it is retail!!! ! I am so thankful and will definitely work my socks off. I am so grateful for this opportunity. I will not disappoint. 





Vicky another to add to my list of thank you's. 

David Beckham

This morning I woke up with a great feeling. I had dreamt that I met David Beckham. We were all sitting around a table and ready to play some games and first we had to name our teams. I was on the opposite team to him and sat opposite him. He called his team Tangs... Something I can't remember what but it was another word that combined with the word tang. I called my team Lil Becks.. Something can't remember the end. Anyways then there weren’t enough people so I decided to be the ref and lead the games. I stood up and started the first game. But then Victoria Beckham said they needed to go do signing so had to leave. I couldn't believe it and they had left without me knowing. I was pretty disappointed I did even get an autograph or a goodbye. Then I found that David Beckham had printed me a note before he left it said 'dear Lai ... You'd would have killed me if I didn’t say bye'' I can’t remember the rest. I was so happy that he knew my name! 

I woke up and fell asleep again.

I had dreamt of David Beckham again!! this time we was having dinner and I said To him that I really wanted him to sign my first edition of his first autobiography but he said that I didn't have time to go get it. He then pulled out from underneath the table a book that had Harper Seven on the heading and pictures of him playing football. I was so happy and accepted it proudly.

One day, I would like to meet you in person. 

June 2011 Life Update

I have been looking for work for 2 years now and despite my voluntary work, brief part-time work, my holiday and other various things, within those 2 years it has felt like the biggest waste of my life. It was like some days I would feel great and positive and other days it would be like a spiral of depression. Even though, I graduated during the start of the recession, I don’t totally blame the lack of jobs and the increase in competition because I know that I haven’t been trying my hardest. When I came out of uni I didn’t know what I wanted to do and I didn’t want ‘any’ job, I wanted a career that I could succeed in. 

A year went by and I still couldn’t decide what I wanted to do because they wanted experience or that I had to go back to uni or that I just couldn’t find that thing I was looking for. When it reached 2 years of unemployment, it got too much. I had a reflection on life and I really couldn’t do this anymore. I needed to do something. The feeling of being at home and family constantly wanting to know what I have been doing and all factors that contributed to the way I felt just got too much. So in May 2011, I had to make a list of  things I desperately wanted to do before the end of the year and I made a promise to myself that I would double hard to make these work starting from June.

It is now the end of June and I can honestly say, I am doing a good job of working on the list. Within this month, I have successfully passed an interview and got a job. I have completed a 2 week training course with the NHS and even though that may end without the prospect of a related job that I had initially hoped for, being on that course has taught me some really vital life tools. During those 2 weeks, I have learnt a lot about myself and working with older people. Most importantly, those 2 weeks made me realised that I really want to do into counselling / clinical Psychology because I would love to make a real difference in someone’s life. That feeling of satisfaction would be an amazing reason to go to work. So, I have decided that is what I want to do. Now, it is up to me to gain experience and perhaps plan to complete masters. I want to become a Charted Psychologist.

Next Please!

After numerous screening processes, I finally reached the Interview stage with Next. I was so excited! Because recently I have been feeling like a little human on a downward spiral to depression. So, when I got the call that I was offered an interview I was happy. I went to the Interview preparation session which helped me prepare for the real thing. On the day of my interview I practiced a few answers and thought up some questions. On the way there, I felt a little nervous. The interview was in two parts, the first was a 1:1 and then a role play. I had the 1:1 and it wasn’t as bad as I imagine, there was a total of 10 of us in a big hall and we all had 15 minutes with the interviewer. My interviewer, Darren, was a friendly guy. I got the impression that my Interviewer was impressed with me as he told me no one had mentioned certain aspects I said. I felt good from what he said. There were some tricky questions that required me to think quickly and today I managed to think quickly and give an accurate answer. After this, we went into the other room for the role play. We first had to talk about ourselves. A little about our background and one thing that was interesting about us. I already had my answer as I knew it was unique and I wasn’t lying. When I said that I customised trainers, the interviewers “oohed”. It was going ok I thought. Then the interviewer told us to pick an object from the back of the room and sell it to them. I didn’t know what to pick but I probably picked up the cheapest object, even though the interviewer had just reminded us that a business is to make money. (I realised this in hindsight) I managed to sell my object to them but I didn’t know how well I did. After the interview, I was confused as I had no idea how I did. I did feel I did well on the 1:1 but I wasn’t too sure for the role play. 

On Friday 17^th June 2011, I received the call. It was the call that told me I was successful in the interview and that I would receive a letter in the post. I was over the moon. I had finally got a job. Even though it wasn’t my ideal job but nevertheless it meant that I could earn money and start to plan my life and future and what I need to do. I was so happy. I am so thankful.

However, they never got back to me after stating that I got the job. Luckily, I found another one so I wasn't bothered.